Tell me if time should make a change
Then why do I feel the same?




LISTEN



182
Friday, February 24, 2012 / 1:54 AM

Just like the four seasons, I got my emotions change by time too. It's like a curse. I am sure I am not the only one who go through this. In life, there is the phase you are pleasantly pleased with everything like to be so wanted by few and go proud about it cause you feel special, you feel pretty. Sometimes you feel so lost in any relationship and miserably empty cause no one likes you. At one point, you will dwell to the past on how you lead life on His land, do what is don't without having any sense of regrets. But then, you'll look back on those sins and started to walk in the right path again and you were hoping for a better changes mentally and physically as a muslimah. This are just some of the feelings I commonly go through time by time. As summer go, autumn comes after, I just can't stick to better phase for long. I am not mentally pumped with a good deeds. I fall to the lust of enjoying what is wrong and fuck what is right. Adding more sins to the tones of sins done before. Admitting all here is not a trial to publish up my bad deeds. No. I never thought it that way, I am just sharing and wrap it to words cause this is what could help me boost what is inside so that I could feel better and relieved. Lessons and a 'muhasabah diri' for myself is a better words maybe? Hmm. 


I am sure that drastic acts is made by my own not by the influences around. I shouldn't blame others. I decided the path that leads me here. I was given plenty of choices and for that one choice I've made, I have to take a full responsibility of it. 


Life is temporary. Fun in the way that is not blessed, where you will never get enough. Fun in the way that is blessed, where rewards awaits you life after. Which one will I go for?


Allah rent us life, let us breathe. In the land of Him, we do what we want and those acts decide where will we end up once everything is taken back. Heaven or hell is determined by the deeds done here and now. Hoping for a real changes and no looking back this time. "Jalan diredhai dan dirahmati bukan lagi jalan kehanyutan dan kehancuran." 


"Ya Allah, Kau kukuhkanlah pendirianku kali ini dan kurniakanlah aku hamba-hambaMu yang beriman untuk aku terus beringat dan membimbing, jauhkanlah aku dari kelalaian yang membinasakan dan goyah dengan hasutan syaitan. Ya Allah, kuatkan aku untuk berpegang dengan agamaMu, tuntutanMu. Permudahkanlah urusanku menerusi hidup yang berlandaskan Quran yang tiada tertanding dan hadis benar supaya tiang imanku teguh dan diredhaiMu. Amin, Amin Ya Rab'al Alamin."


Dunia hanya sementara, tetapi semua hanyut dalam dunia. Akhirat untuk selamanya, tetapi semua lupa akan kewujudannya.


Salam. 



181
Monday, February 6, 2012 / 7:02 AM


FRIENDSHIP PART 3

You declared to others you were all bestfriends but how if they don't include you in the friendship you thought you were in? I can't find the answer. But I believe, as much as you love that one person, it is fine for not having a payback. Well you see, having faith to someone, trusting them and holding tight to the friendship isn't a small task and can never be force. It requires more than what others might expect it would be. 

I wouldn't question much if I am not even in the list. I am glad to be part of them once before and manage to create shadows that will lead me to what I am next. Those shadows that I captured and rename them as memories. 

I run over loads of things in head. Even a tiny little matter might lead me to a real deep of thinking. Cause tiny things can grow and massive things can shrunk. Hitting the playback scene of my previous drama and dwell about the past has always come to no conclusion but it serve me to the never end doubts. I was expecting a hand from a friend to catch me and remind me when I am about to drown in life. I shouldn't be so sure about how they would accept my past on the first place cause when it comes to motivate you in phases ahead, there'll be no number count. Sadly, there'll be none. What else could make me down other than having no guide and support from those I thought they would.

This is real life. I have to wake up, deal with reality and face the possibility. If one who knows you from you were born can't even have faith and trust on you, why would those who only knows you for five or six years? Why would they? The only person you could ever trust is yourself. You have Allah. You can cry as much as you want, tell Him whatever you feel. Cause you need a listener not a complainer. Even if you don't have a immediate feedback, believe and just believe Allah gives it in a silence way, Allah knows even if you don't tell Him the whole story, He knows every inch of the feeling you were having. Allah is Almighty. He knows best.

If I deserve to be in that circle, there will always be a place. If I don't, I know where I stand. Hard, but trying to deal with it is much better than keep lingering around with those you thought your bestfriends, but fact you are just a parasite to them. Honestly says, if neither of my friends just don't like me clinging around or I was being too annoyed on certain conditions, let me know. InsyaAllah, I would accept them. I do not want to be comfortable with fake actions and words that lies, I rather be hurt with truth and real facts. I would never know how do I behave towards others, my wrong deeds should be corrected not to be talked behind. I respect other's thoughts cause everyone has their own kind of thinking. If I couldn't accept it right away, I am sure I will think about it after. They must have the points of saying it, so my part is ; Do The Thinking. Different mind, different thoughts. Look upon others opinion too, you are not forever right. This is how human completes each other. 

This is friendship, not myship. Built by friends who truly accepts you in whatever way and be there through any situations faced whenever needed. Requires us all to have that emotions not me alone. It takes together not oneself.

I wasn't directing this to anyone and hope there is no misunderstanding after. Like I've said you can always let me know if anything. As much as I want others to have respect and treated me well, I will give as much effort to do the same thing back. InsyaAllah.

Sincerely,
"I don't know what am I to the people I called friends and I don't know where I stand among them".

Salam.



180
Saturday, February 4, 2012 / 1:28 AM

When I get myself to the stage with too many characters around, I manage to know and look upon each characters defining friendship, love, betrayal and so much more emotions. Every each of the characters has their own definition and I am lucky to learn every each of the terms which obviously has taught me a lot on how interaction could lead us to. I got few more on stage that I am looking foward to know what will they left me with after. Every lessons they left me brings a great impacts in life. We go through the scripts, act on the characters and when the director says "Done", then it is all over. We are done with the temporary characters on stage, to the ground we are now return.



179
Thursday, February 2, 2012 / 3:13 AM



FRIENDSHIP PART 2


I know I can't force my bestfriend to understand me and expect there is no rough time in between. Nothing come easy when it comes to a valuable things, so do friendship. Miscommunication in friendship is what worst. Play roles and  throw off your best when its getting low. Still, if there is no way out, let go. As long as you have tried, then it is fine. You never know how annoyed you are to others, how you brag on stuff and hate others who did that, how you never be there when a friend is needed the most, you never know how poor you are in being a good friend to others and the words uttered has been the most powerful swords in killing their feelings, how they act patiently to every shits you have thrown and lastly, how they keep holding on to the friendship and bare with the things that hurt them most but serve a happiness for you.


I might says things like I'm the one who is throwing off effort all alone and all I could see is a zero progress from the other side but do I ever consider the efforts done to bring the friendship back to normal? Nahh. Cause I know that I am right and I know they are the one to be blamed. I see every inch of the effort comes from me. ME not YOU. I am selfish. I am forever right. I am never wrong and I am a friend who deserve a hard flying kick straightly to the face popping all the pimples away for being such a forever right whore. 


Well, although you have carry along the friendship for quite a time but when a silence arguments comes and brought your ego high up and put away the love, forgiveness is hard, apologizing is harder. Elton John and Blue - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Words might suits current situation as a background music? Haaa. -..-


Honestly, I am sorry for my bad deeds. I know I yell like a mad monster, I appeared on Twitter saying shits about you. I just can't see what's good in you and was blinded with a little nightmare I've seen in you. "Satu kesalahan sebesar zarah yang kita nampak dapat menutup beribu kebaikan yang pernah dilakukan." My bad. Seriously, I am such a dumb-ass. I'm truly sorry. Aku hanyut dalam hasutan syaitan yang galak memusnahkan silaturahim sesama kita. Bila ego mengatasi sayang, amarah mengatasi akal, hiduplah kita dalam kawalan syaitan.


I'm giving you all the space you deserve since before. Maybe, I just can't hold on to it anymore. I'm tired of trying and throwing off effort to mend it. I've tried. We might not suit to hold hands and having that electric shot of a bestfriend. Maybe just not yet. The least I could do now, is to stay positive. It wouldn't be easy but as long as you believe let go will make it better for you and especially them, widely give the way. What best is always yours, InsyaAllah. 


I treasure what we used to do, what we used to share, what we used to be. I treasure our friendship created by trust, honour, love and respect. Bukan rezeki barangkali untuk diteruskan, tapi memori akan tetap aku simpan.


Assalamualaikum. :)



178
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 / 4:17 PM

Others says, save your heart for someone who cares.


Tapi kalau aku abaikan orang yang kisah pasal aku dan terus kejar orang yang tak kisah pasal aku, ada orang akan cakap dekat si tak kisah tu, save your heart for someone who cares kan? Lagi rumit kalau si tak kisah tu kejar pulak si tak kisah dua yang tak kisah pasal dia. 


And the sequence of this phrase is ; pusing-pusing kejar tak kisah perlu kisah kejar dan kejar lagi kejar kejar dan kejarrrrrrrrrrrr.


Bila nak habis? Tak boleh pakai langsung ayat ni. There'll be no ending unless dah jumpa kejar sama kejar. Then only happily ever after la hidup. Hmmmmm.



177
Monday, January 30, 2012 / 9:45 PM


FRIENDSHIP PART 1


I wonder what does it take to be a perfect friend. Maybe not too perfect but perfectly fine enough for those who I would love to called bestfriends to accepts all my flaws, come away with advices that kills any doubts, any worries and correct me whenever I go beyond something or changing to something I never should. 


I am not a good friend. I believe it shows well. It is quite obvious isn't it? Truly says, I wasn’t always be there whenever problems or whatsoever things came attacking them. I wasn’t there. Even if one would like to catch up a short updates, I rarely updates them. I ignore texts, I play that silent game all by myself and when the times where I need them, I expect they will be there. Fair enough? Throw me shitsss! But sadly, they never let me down. They were there. They were! 


I am greatful to have them with me even I wasn’t that special to them as they were to me. 



176
Thursday, January 26, 2012 / 11:01 PM


Problems is an unstoppable monster i can never run from. I win over lucks this time. Having few monsters in a time does not make me act in a negative way and leads to any worst action this time. As Allah loves every single creatures on His land, I am not excluded. Its His blessings that shows it is never too late to get back. The path I've choosen and the road I've taken is my responsibility. In whatever choices you have made, there will always be a two charge sides, positive or negative. Allah has shown me ways to get back before i get too deep and fall to the whisperers that head my way to worst. I feel loved by Him. To be tested with a great tasks and look upon the best solutions ahead. Thanks Ya Rabbi.

As far as I travel, past will always be there. The least i could do is, I'll carry along those lessons gained from my past and step foward for the future. Past is past but if it still can't be accepted, I'm okay with it. Everyone makes mistakes but not all are acceptable to others. Mentality and experiences will decides one's decision. 

Till then, Assalamualaikum.



175
Sunday, January 15, 2012 / 10:57 PM

Hai. Its been so long since I dropped by here. Long enough to compile a thousand and four hundreds and ninety three pages of life's journey I've been through for months. Long enough to forget what makes me happy and remember every heartache I've been through. Long enough for me to say bye now. Bye. :)



174
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 / 11:50 PM


It's crazy how quickly things change. One minute you are on top of the world, happy with the one you love and you feel like nothing can bring you down but suddenly, you are alone. He's gone and your life comes spiralling down. You feel like a failure. You feel ugly. You question whether he ever really loved you at all. How he could walk away so quickly, no regrets, no looking back to the mess he's left behind. It makes you wonder if everything you went through together even meant a thing to him at all.


Maybe you'll be the only one who knows the reason why. That's why other perspective come and bring me down, cause i don't know what you know.


I remember the way you hold my hand like you've never let go. I remember how i've plead and it doesn't even bring you any sense of sympathy. I remember to be throwned as if i am no one to be called as human. And i remember how you let me go, how you left away and how you act like I used to be nothing. I remember.


If that is your wish, okay. I believe you don't know what you've put me through, and i know i could make it somehow. 


I will keep myself a reminder because this is what keep me strong and i know to love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something and to love and to be loved is everything. 


I should always remind myself this, ALWAYS ;
“ I’ve got a lot of thing to do rather than repairing our hopeless relationship which i am not that into “.






173
Monday, August 22, 2011 / 1:32 AM



I see it nothing, not something anymore. I have to make myself a total loser, look helly desperate and be all emotional to hurt myself so much so that i could let go. This might be temporary or this might last long i don't know. I am over, totallly over and i know if i mean nothing to you, you should mean nothing to me too. That's what make sense. Alhamdullilah today has come and this is goodbye. :)



172
Friday, August 19, 2011 / 2:41 AM

I am COMPLETELY DONE
I am COMPLETELY DONE
I am COMPLETELY DONE
I am COMPLETELY DONE
I am COMPLETELY DONE

for now



171
Thursday, August 4, 2011 / 10:21 PM




170
Monday, August 1, 2011 / 12:02 AM


I admit, getting closer to your friends do reminds me a lot about you. But that doesn’t mean i am all into you, taking another step to get back. No. I am not that desperate. I wish just if, just IF we never broke up and still can sit in a same place and laugh on the same thing, wouldn’t it be nice?

It ain’t easy to just sit there and look at them when all i see is your shadow. I swear to God i’m fucking weak. I’ve promised to myself before, i shouldn’t have let my life diary wet with tears again especially when it comes to love. I had enough. You took just one step to blow off all the lights i have. It’s not easy to carry all the hopes you have with you when you know there’s nothing awaits you.

I have the guts to hold on, to keep on hoping on you. But i can’t anymore. It’s not that i don’t want to stay anymore or giving up wholly but remembering your words, “ I’ve got a lot of thing to do rather than repairing our hopeless relationship which i am not that into “, my knees get weak and nothing can stop the tears from falling again and again. I had enough to keep believe i could, you could, we could make it somehow. But everything is only I could. There is no YOU or WE. I can't make the effort myself. It's not an easy task. 

I keep on telling myself that it's going to be okay, I know it will but do you ever had that feeling? When you were so sure about the love you are having, pleasantly continuing life, and expecting you have the most greatest love but it was just a fairy tales story i should never believe.

Honestly, i don't need a back-up story. Everyone, everyone is trying to create a story about this and that. Why? Do i look like a little kids who can't bear with the truth? I am nineteen not nine. Stop comforting me with the pleasant story and throw me the truth. No one like lies. No one. 


To be true i would love to keep in touch. I would love to be real to your family. It pains me too much for not being a part of it. You had choosen to put an end. Maybe sharing life with someone else. And for me to still linger isn't a good thing to do. You have moved on, and maybe i should do the same too.

Sometimes i don't want to move on. But seeing you leading your life perfectly without me being part of it, i know i have to move on.

Moving on wasn't even an option for me, but i don't want to cling on a false hope anymore. 







169
Tuesday, July 26, 2011 / 12:43 PM


It reflects me. I remember the exact feeling how to be treated that way. Like you are no one. I’ve tried to be as mean as how i’ve been treated somehow i can’t. It's a different way of journey, different person but i believe when we both went back, we carry the same miserable, heartbroken feeling.

I wonder how can people be that mean to someone who used to be so close to you especially ones you used to love? How? I wonder. 



168
Tuesday, July 19, 2011 / 8:04 PM

Dear H,
Listen ;




167
Thursday, July 14, 2011 / 11:03 PM

Malas nak type about the previous post. K baiiiii. -_________-"



166
Tuesday, July 12, 2011 / 7:12 PM

Take a look ;


Will type very very soon about the trip. BUSYYYYYYYYYY~~~~~

<3



165
Tuesday, July 5, 2011 / 1:13 AM


Have you ever have that one friend, who used to be extremely closed to you. Till that very one time, all of a sudden, without anything went wrong, they disappear just like that. As if, you should never call them friend on the first place. It's ironic to me.


I don't believe in friends forever. Why? Because only kids swear they'll be best of friends. Frankly speaking, when they grow up and some of them turn out to be bitching about each other, they don't even talk to each other anymore. At the early phase, they'll smile at you, a fake smile then sooner they'll stare at you like you never knew each other before. Best friends can be the person we share loads of things with and within a second they can be the person you hate the most. It feels awkward when every inch of your mini episode dramas, you told them and when you have different path now, you wonder how can you told them everything. Apa hubungan kawan tu pun dah tak pasti.


Sure, i've been in that phase of life before. When a group of girls made a promise that they will be there for each other at all times, i kept that promise as much as i can, but some of them turns to one's i hate the most when the one saying that we should stay is the one who backstabbing me. Best friend much? Kiss my ass.


Scratch that. What i am trying to say is ;
Friends come and friends go.


Why? Because they moved on. Kalau dulu asyik berkepit je, bila masing-masing dah ada life, macam masuk college ke university ke semua ada haluan masing-masing. Tak semua orang boleh rapat macam mana dulu-dulu.


Tak semua boleh stick. Mark this, i didn't say each and every one of them. Still, there's friends who can maintain rapat. It takes effort and love for friends. I salute this people. There are those i respect the most. I don't call them bestfriends, i called them true friends. 


Sometimes, memang terasa bila masing-masing mula nak ada haluan sendiri, sibuk belajar, sibuk bersosial, sibuk menyibuk dan sebagainya. Tapi sekarang telan je lah then buat bodoh. Dah jadi adat dah semua tu. Memang they come and they goooooooo. 


Bukan tak ada effort nak stay rapat. Ada tapi tak semua boleh stay as great friends. Because, as we grew up, we knew more new people and we made new friends. And there, we discover similarities to stay close. As we move on to another place, we met new people again. It cycles. You know, it goes on and on. 


There is just one reason you could stay to your old friends ; just only you are grateful enough with the friends Allah has given to you, appreciate them, you will always remember them as your friends. Effing true real friends.


Now, bila kawan dah tepis suruh blah, blah je la. Tunggu lagi. Dah kawan pun macam tak nak kawan. Apa guna kan. 


Assalamuailakum.



164
Thursday, June 30, 2011 / 2:33 AM

As i grew up, there's a lot more to think. And the worst part is you popped out all the time whenever as in time freeze out. How i wish i could have that normal feeling just before i started to fall for you. 

Right, it kills every emotional inch of me.



163
Wednesday, June 22, 2011 / 4:23 PM

I know for me the subject of how to be in a relationship is precious and complicated and challenging. It wouldn't be right to make it look easy.  
- Helen Hunt -




162
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 / 1:57 AM



I need changes. Real changes.

Towards something better and more productive than before. Some says by helping others, we fullfill our own destiny. I’ve tried and yes sometimes seeing my word has made changes to people, i am slightly happy. And i wondered why can’t i have those word for myself so i could change to better, untied to any hope and lies. It’s true, it’s easier to say but hard to do. 

But there'll be a part when you will swallow of all the words you say. People will say "Mar tu pandai sangat nak bagi nasihat tapi tak sedar diri". Boleh macamtu? Dengan keadaan kau yang macam haram time tu takkan aku nak wahahaha kau? Dah aku consider kau kawan la aku bagi nasihat. Tak perlu la nak baling dekat muka aku balik. Go talk to someone you think better. You shouldn't have talk to me on the first place, asshole.


People will keep on talking either you do good or bad things.


Yelahhhh, kau la yang paling baik dekat dunia ni. Baik sangattttttt. -.-"



161
Thursday, June 9, 2011 / 8:12 PM

Ya Tuhan kami janganlah engkau jadikan hati kami condong kepada kesesatan sesudah engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami, dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisi engkau, sesungguhnya engkaulah maha pemberi kurnia - ali imran : 8



160
Saturday, June 4, 2011 / 9:49 PM



To be true, i miss you.


It’s just that i don’t have the guts to tell it straight to your face. I didn’t have the guts to dial up your number and say that. As bad as i want myself to say it, when i think about it, i know that you knew i miss you.  Even if i didn’t tell you, you knew it.


Nothing seems to be as easy as how you ended this. Its not easy. Its not that easy.
As simple as we started of to be friends, as simple as we started of to be lovers, as simple as we started of to be strangers. Everything happend in a very simple sequence with a complicated feeling you left me. 


I see, it seems easy for you compared to me. Am i the only one who is great in remembering things that makes me happy?

Not everyone ended up as strangers, some are different i know. And maybe we are just not that some people. 

I am just some kind of an emotional-wreck. Hell with thattt.




159
Monday, May 30, 2011 / 9:27 PM

Do you ever sit and think, what if?
What if you never said that first hello?
What if you keep shut and let things pass?
What if you had just another five minutes?
What if you could turn back time?
Where would your life be?
Better?
Worse?
More complicated?
Less comlicated?
Happier?
Just, WHAT IF?



158
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 / 8:40 PM



I am now back in matric once again to complete the final year here. It sounds like a very stressssss processed for me. I’m sticking with my previous module, physics,  although there’s a part where i want so much to change for account. Butttt butttttt physics people are just so cool and everyone know i am part of the cool people.  -______-“. But at least i am not in a bio stream where i would say ewwwwwwww. Sorryyyy but bio sounds not nice you know. I have crossed out lawyer from my list of profession. And i have new interest which isssssss, politic science. Cool kannnnn? :D

There were about 2+++ people for this time registration. Comelnyaaaaa handsomenya cantiknyaaa kurusnyaaaa tingginyaaa putihnyaaa. So that the words i’ve been saying whenever any of them pass me by. Homaigooodddd sumpah lawa lawa tak tipu. Gerammmm kenapa lawa sangatt. Seronoknya la kalau laki. Boleh mengorattttt. Ni kalau badan pun dah macam labu muka pun ala ala cokodok sapa nak pandang punn. Sobs. Overrrrr. -.-

I have expect this kind of things will happen where the person i knew before is now a different person. Luckily, i’ve expect that. I wouldn’t have anymore hope in things called friends here. Stop.

Till then,
Bye, Assalamualaikum. 



157
Monday, May 16, 2011 / 3:42 AM

 
Don't worry, you are not the one. I know exactly how it feels ; to be so in love, to fall for someone you know won't fall for you, to be jealous with every girls alive that stand near him, to eagely jump from your bed when you hear your phone beeps as you always thought it was him, to desperately stalk him in every way you could, to always believe forever will last, to wish he'll be your hero in every dreams you dream, to re-read his old text messages, to stare at your phone waiting for his text/call, to feel empty and worthless and you keep asking yourself why did you even bother about him, to spend your day listening to sad songs so that your hearts aches even more, to cry a river because you miss him so much you can even bear the pain, to feel so alone like no one else exist cause nothing ever worked out, nothing.


But unlike other people experiences, the story of my first love didn't have a happy ending. I was being lied of how we could last, and only God knows how many time my heart breaks into pieces at the moment. Still, I didn't stop loving him yet I never stop trying to win his heart. But he..just don't realize how much he mean to me. But that's it. People said, swallowing so much pain grows you up and every tomorrow has made me stronger. 2008 is the witness for all this mess. But i believe when i let go the one i love for the sake of other girl's happiness, a nicer guy will come along and heal the pain. I know it wouldn't be easy to forget your first love, i guess no one could ever forget 'em.


So well, relationship cycles. Love comes and love go. And when 'that' feeling; the exact feeling when you are so in love as it reminds you of your first love, the feeling when you doubt if this could ever replace your first love, the feeling that has makes you feel alive once again and 'i am yours' has ruled everything. And there where things repeat. Love wasn't a love anymore. It has been a great lie by the guys. And thats where regrets start to take place. But just when i start regeretting what i did, i realize that if i hadn't, my memories wouldn't be so sweet. So this is how lyrics describe ;


Swallow me then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself


I know i ain't a little girl anymore. It is okay to look on the things that we see as we look to the past, how we always assumed that forever will last. And now i prefer lying on bed alone looking up on the ceiling and start to mend the broken hearts and realise where did i go wrong in everything. And i have to believe once more that if i let go the one i love for the sake of other girl's happiness, a nicer guy will come along and heal the pain. I believe and thats what awaits me. If you aren't meant for me, then there's a guy who deserve me more than you do. I'll gather all of my guts to put trust in myself. Till then i will bury you, bury our memories, bury us somewhere no one could ever find 'em.


Assalamualaikum. :)



156
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 / 12:14 AM




155
Friday, May 6, 2011 / 3:28 PM



Just because i am used to it, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore. 

Not every guy will treat you right. That's what make sense. If you have said the word YES when the love strikes,  that's the risk you should carry. If you are dare enough to said yes, than dare enough to face it. Loving someone means taking risk that they might fucked up your nicely ordered little life. What's worst is they'll surely let go and move on so fast and you, stuck up there, gasping for every air you could take in as he means life to you. That's where mistake hits you right. No matter how far you run , there will always be one thing you can never run from. Face it, truth will always manage to catch you.


Its important to know when to let go of someone who only brings you nothing other than pain. Its useless to try hard  making someone knows what you exactly feel and what you've been trying to say when they don't even care. If they had really move on, why should you stay? If they refused to realize whats awaits them, they will always do. Why do we need someone who doesn't need us? It is hard to actually deal with the fact that we have no love in return, but being all sorrow won't give you any goods, there's the point where you should just move on. 



Sometimes people just aren't worth trying over anymore.


People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it.

Assalamualiakum.



154
/ 3:01 AM


You, the guy with that white shirt and jeans on our first met, yeah you. Instead of the things i could remember, can't you remember the reason you loved me once? Can't you? 



153
Wednesday, May 4, 2011 / 11:58 PM

Have you ever felt so afraid of losing everyone around you? Where everything has been taken away far from you? Where that fear has grab everything, and days coming has become your biggest nightmare ever. Till that extend you refused to spend any of your time with anyone, afraid your fear might haunt you. Everything has changed, it has changed a lot and i can't expect anything more than before. Yes, less expectations means less dissapointment.



152
Monday, May 2, 2011 / 11:24 PM




151
Tuesday, April 26, 2011 / 1:38 AM

Look in my eyes,see what I see, do what I do, be what I be, walk in my shoes, hurt your feet, then know why I do dirt in the street.



150
Friday, April 22, 2011 / 11:34 PM




149
Wednesday, April 20, 2011 / 11:30 PM



You were never supposed to mean this much to me. I was never supposed to fall so hard to you. But you know what? I did and that's the truth, that's what keeps me holding on because it hurts like hell to let you go.



148
Thursday, April 14, 2011 / 2:12 PM





147
Saturday, April 9, 2011 / 12:50 PM

I just miss that friend’s talk. Reena, Jat and Farhan(Rusman). The talk that won’t cost a pay but gives you a million of thoughts in head or at least a friend to kept you accompany. But that was before, that was the old time when we are closed. Facing the fact, i am no longer stepping at the same ground like before. I’m nothing anymore. That’s where facts brings me. I've tried to be the same, to be your friend again unfortunately it doesn't seem to work out. I lost my words while saying, i lost the idea while laughing and i lost everything. Nothing last forever. Deal with it, they aren’t who they were once before and i am no longer what i am once before. People change and that’s life. It cycles. 



146
Monday, April 4, 2011 / 1:25 AM


I know moving on was hard and sometimes it seems so unbearable but i know letting go is not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life. I'm praying for every best part in your life.



145
Wednesday, March 30, 2011 / 7:42 PM

In every drama, there's a fullstop await to reach an end. The starting of my holiday seems to be okay and i don't know how will it goes for days coming. When i was still in matrics i just can't wait for this holiday as i hope this friendship thingy will heal and will reach its neutral point during the break. Well i hope it goes well. I just miss my friends. I mean my FRIENDS. Those i knew when i stepped there. That four angels Allah has given me. I've lost Annur, Anys and Iday when i leave high school. I missed Anys best advices. Well, true friends are those you can talk by eyes and by showing some move. There is no words needed to describe the pain as we'll know best when we are needed and when we are not. I just miss that time. That really old good times. I know we won't stand as what we are before but just so you know, i'll carry the memories we have forever. I swear it will be forever. For now, i'll try to gain unlimited memories i could with this four angels. It's normal to have this and that feeling in friendship you have created but if you handle it the best way you could, insyallah your friendship will flow well. For sure you have to go through some hard circumstances to have the best friendship, but it takes together not on your own. 



144
Saturday, March 26, 2011 / 7:09 PM






143
Sunday, March 20, 2011 / 8:04 PM




You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me, well sentence me to another life.